When you Don’t Know What to Feel

There are times when I learn something or realize something big or disturbing or sad. Sometimes when his happens I have had moments that I feel disconnected from it all. I am sitting there trying to figure out what that information means to me and how it should make me feel. The truth is that this kind of reaction is actually a normal one. If you’ve had this kind of situation happen to you, you are not alone. If you have ever been completely confused with how you feel or what you actually want, so have I! There are actual reasons why our minds react in these ways.

Defense Mechanism

Sometimes when our minds choose to stay mute on a subject it is a protection. Whatever it is, might just be too overwhelming. Your mind just isn’t ready to deal with the thoughts and emotions that go along with the situation. It’s almost like the brain shuts down and refuses to address anything on the subject. Have you ever had bad news that you were not sure if you should break to someone? Something they probably should know but you are unsure if they will be able to cope? Sometimes our subconsciously, we can do the same thing to ourselves. We don’t allow ourselves to fully process it so that we don’t have to struggle more. Most of these kinds of moments, for me, were moments that I needed to focus on something tangible. I needed something real and normal, get myself back into a familiar routine. It helps me to stop feeling numb.

Time to Process

The way we process things varies greatly from person to person. However, every single one of us has to process every little thing that goes on around us. My son has autism and the way he processes what people say can convolute the actual meaning behind the words. He has a hard time putting the pieces together. Usually if I repeat what has been said and tell him to take a minute to think it through, he can get a lot closer to the actual meaning. The same can be said for ourselves. We may not be able to tell what we feel because we haven’t had a chance to really process the circumstances. Sometimes we need time to really work it through our thoughts. To think through the pieces and what we feel about each piece.

Emotional Overload

Photo by Kat Smith

Conflicting Emotions

Turn the Focus to What you Need

There may be lots of different reasons why you are unsure what it is you are feeling. Whatever the reason that you are feeling this way it is important to focus on yourself. Can you figure out what it is that you need? Even if you can’t fully figure out what it is you are feeling, can you name one thing that you need? Don’t focus on the events that precede all the confusion. You can focus on the now and the future. Focus on moving forward. Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect…. well, not perfect. Practice can help improve.

3 responses to “When you Don’t Know What to Feel”

  1. Great post as usual, Mel! For me, when I’m lost, I tend to focus on what’s bothering me the most at any given moment.

    Is it the report I’m refusing to write? The chore I’m putting off? The bills that are coming next week? Then I work out steps to deal with them. Often I find that I get more relief from this practice than by asking myself what I want. We’re all different though, and it’s up to us to find our unique path. Anyway, thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the visit again! We are all definitely completely unique individuals, and we all need to find exactly what works for us. It’s been interesting really getting into writing a lot these last few months. Sometimes I wonder if I’m so completely different and what I say won’t apply to anyone but me. Have you ever experienced that kind of doubt in your own writing?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Haha yes. But I’ve since learned to see my writing as just another piece of work, and that takes away a lot of the expectations. So even if I think a certain article sucks, or might not apply to anyone, I just put it out there anyway and let the market decide.

        Liked by 2 people

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