When you Don’t Know What to Feel

There are times when I learn something or realize something big or disturbing or sad. Sometimes when his happens I have had moments that I feel disconnected from it all. I am sitting there trying to figure out what that information means to me and how it should make me feel. The truth is that this kind of reaction is actually a normal one. If you’ve had this kind of situation happen to you, you are not alone. If you have ever been completely confused with how you feel or what you actually want, so have I! There are actual reasons why our minds react in these ways.

Defense Mechanism

Sometimes when our minds choose to stay mute on a subject it is a protection. Whatever it is, might just be too overwhelming. Your mind just isn’t ready to deal with the thoughts and emotions that go along with the situation. It’s almost like the brain shuts down and refuses to address anything on the subject. Have you ever had bad news that you were not sure if you should break to someone? Something they probably should know but you are unsure if they will be able to cope? Sometimes our subconsciously, we can do the same thing to ourselves. We don’t allow ourselves to fully process it so that we don’t have to struggle more. Most of these kinds of moments, for me, were moments that I needed to focus on something tangible. I needed something real and normal, get myself back into a familiar routine. It helps me to stop feeling numb.

Time to Process

The way we process things varies greatly from person to person. However, every single one of us has to process every little thing that goes on around us. My son has autism and the way he processes what people say can convolute the actual meaning behind the words. He has a hard time putting the pieces together. Usually if I repeat what has been said and tell him to take a minute to think it through, he can get a lot closer to the actual meaning. The same can be said for ourselves. We may not be able to tell what we feel because we haven’t had a chance to really process the circumstances. Sometimes we need time to really work it through our thoughts. To think through the pieces and what we feel about each piece.

Emotional Overload

When there is something really tragic or overwhelming involved it can trigger lots of different emotions. For myself, it can be a struggle to avoid letting those emotions control me. Our brains are complicated and intricate. There is so many different things that are going on in our brains, much more than we could fully understand. If an event causes some deep intense emotions, it can be an overload. When a computer has to download 1000 pictures, it takes time for it to work through every single one. There are times that we need to give ourselves a moment to work through those emotions. We need to be able to pinpoint some of those emotions and address what each of them means and why we are feeling them. If there is to many at once, the only thing we can do is try to break it down. Start with the easiest and most basic/obvious emotions and work on from there.

Conflicting Emotions

When we are having multiple emotions and each emotion directly conflicts with the other emotion, it can be very confusing. We maybe are feeling the need to reach out and be with someone but also don’t want to be around anyone at all. How are we supposed to know which one is what we actually want? How can we want both things at the same time? I’ve heard before the human brain is the most complicated machine in the world. That is not hard to believe at all. The number of messages that are being sent throughout our bodies with every move we make and every word we say is absolutely incredible! Is it possible to have mixed signals? Absolutely!!! Why Not?! Doesn’t make it feel any less bad, but it’s not that far of a stretch. Most of the time it is really difficult to work through these kinds of emotions. Once again, we can try to break it down into pieces to get to the root of it all. Try to take the one emotion and figure out exactly why you feel that way and what you need to address that emotion. Then go the next conflicting emotion and do the same. Maybe you’ll find that one emotion is telling you not to be around anyone because you are emotionally spent. However, the other emotion is telling you that you need someone specific who can help to lift you up emotionally. Get to the root of it and you can figure out how you need to proceed.

Turn the Focus to What you Need

There may be lots of different reasons why you are unsure what it is you are feeling. Whatever the reason that you are feeling this way it is important to focus on yourself. Can you figure out what it is that you need? Even if you can’t fully figure out what it is you are feeling, can you name one thing that you need? Don’t focus on the events that precede all the confusion. You can focus on the now and the future. Focus on moving forward. Easier said than done, but practice makes perfect…. well, not perfect. Practice can help improve.