Have you ever heard about the victim mentality? The idea that a person is always the one that has been wronged. Sometimes I believe we all have those moments where we victimize ourselves way more that we need to. We want to place all the blame on anything and everyone else around us. If you are getting into the habit of doing these kinds of things more and more, you are making yourself a victim. Don’t tell yourself that you can’t do anything about your circumstances because you always have a choice. I know there are things that are out of our control and those things that is in no way our fault. However, I’m talking about choices that are open to us even if we try to tell ourselves that it isn’t. The question is, can you be honest with yourself. Can you tell if you are playing the victim?
You aren’t allowed to have feelings
Are you constantly telling yourself or anyone else that will listen that you aren’t good enough and you just fail at everything? Do you often feel like people are telling you to stop overreacting or taking things personally? If people are constantly hesitant to talk to you and walking on eggshells, chances are they are worried about your reactions. If all these things sound very familiar to you, there is a chance that while you think that you aren’t allowed to express your emotions, in all actuality you may be doing the opposite. It’s possible your reactions are so severe or unreasonable that people are afraid to talk to you.
You hold on to everything
Grudges, bad moments, heat of the moment outbursts, mistakes that others have made. Do you find yourself referring to these kinds of things on a regular basis? Maybe you aren’t doing it to rub it in their face but just to give an example of what you’re talking about. Pointing out times that others have wronged you is a classic way of keeping yourself in the victim position even when the moment has passed.
No Responsibility or insincere responsibility
I’m going to do everything wrong, I’m just a failure. Overexaggerating your faults like you just have to accept that it’s out of your control to fail or succeed, is being a victim. Telling someone you are sorry they took something the wrong way is invalidating their feelings and making it their responsibility that you had to say sorry in the first place. When someone expressing an issue they have, try to understand and empathize with the way they are feeling instead of immediately becoming defensive.
You think you have no control
Do you think that your life has been decided by everyone else, and you can’t choose to do anything? Telling yourself that you are a product of your circumstances removes any and all responsibility on how your life turns out. It’s a way of giving excuses on why you aren’t happy with things in your life. There are always things that are out of our control and things that are part of our control. Don’t tell yourself that you have no control and therefore you can just be miserable all the time.
One of the most frustrating things for me is to see underhanded tactics or strategies to get used to get what you want. If you feel the need to preemptively excuse your actions or defend them, then there is most likely a problem. If you feel you need something from someone then you should just ask. Instead, it’s more and more common to beat around the bush and try to make others feel guilty to get them to volunteer.
You don’t trust anyone
Everyone all have their own agendas or are twisting the truth to get what they want. It’s only human nature to push for more, if you give a mouse a cookie…. If this is your kind of thinking, it may show that you don’t trust anyone else. I’m not going to say that this is true for everyone but maybe you aren’t the trustworthy one. If you spend a lot of time manipulating others, it can be easy to see it as others trying to manipulate you in any situation.
Always arguing or taking things the wrong way is pretty typical of a person that feels like they are always the victim. Sometimes people are just trying to discuss the situation or clarify the situation. That doesn’t mean they are always looking for an argument. It doesn’t mean that they think you did something wrong. Stop looking between the lines for some made up personal offense.
Feeling sorry for yourself
Well, if this person didn’t act that way, or that situation had never happened then life would be so difficult. Guess what? Life is difficult! To say that you are going to make mistakes, and people aren’t going to like you, and things are going to go wrong is like saying that the sun rises in the east. We all feel that way sometimes and we all struggle with it. If you think that all your struggles and feeling are completely unique then you might be taking the victim mentality. It’s like each of our lives are a different puzzle. They may have different pieces and pictures, but they all come together by linking everything together correctly. (I feel like that analogy sounded much better in my head.
Very critical of others
Usually, people that just can’t be happy about anyone else around them are the ones unhappy with their own life. Some of the happiest people I have met are the most accepting and supportive of others. They seem to have a peace with the world around them. I like to think I have been feeling more and more of that lately as I’ve really been working on my own happiness. Which, I think, is really a big focus that most of the world pushes to the side. A large majority of people try to fit into this cookie cutter life and follow the steps that everyone else takes. However, we are all different people that want and need different things in our lives. There doesn’t need to be excuses about why we aren’t happy but action to find that happiness. Take whatever control back that you can and remove yourself as the victim and become the protagonist of your story.