It is part of being human to create relationships and be a part of human interaction every day. Every one of us can benefit from those relationships and the human interactions and contact that we get. However, a lot of times we have to muddle through the muck that is part of finding those great relationships. There are people that have their own agendas. There are people who are insincere. There are people that just want to be surrounded by others but don’t actually care about you. It’s a weird game that a lot of the world seems to enjoy playing. There have been times that I start up some good conversations and “friendships”. I get excited to be able to have a close or deep friendship with someone who seem very similar to myself. However, as time goes on, I have also had some of those people seem to lose interest. They almost got their momentary needs fulfilled and no longer are interested in nurturing or even participating in the relationship. Either that or they continue to string you along in the background.
I’ve told people before that they need to focus on how other people make them feel. If someone makes you feel tired or exhausted, or they make you feel sad and depressed, they probably aren’t the kind of people that you should surround yourself with. I have dealt with a lot of crazy stuff growing up in a house with so many people and I had a hard time feeling like I was never seen, or any kind of a priority. If you feel that way when you are around certain people that also isn’t the healthiest relationship. However, there is definitely some great relationships that I have been a part of that make me feel valued and the relationship is a two-way street. These people don’t have to make these grandiose gestures but just genuine interactions with me. So, how do we know what kind of relationships are ones that we should really spend our time with and surround yourself with people that make your happy?
You are an Equal
Do you have a friend that has to contradict or correct every little thing that you say? Those kinds of people don’t like to let you get a word in. They seem to somehow be a walking encyclopedia. Even if it’s something you have experience in, and they don’t. I have dealt with a lot of people that seemed to have no trust in anything I said or did for a long time. The first time that I was with a new group of friends that I really enjoyed, was because of how they treated me. I listened to what they had to say, and they listened to me. They were respectful and interested and genuine. The atmosphere of the entire event was light and uplifting. It was one of the most enjoyable experiences that I have had in a long time.
Fun Moments and Serious Moments
It’s important to be able to have both serious moments and fun moments. If all you ever have is fun moments, then are you going to be comfortable coming to that person in a moment of struggle? It’s good to be able to have fun and be light and happy. It’s also important to have someone that you connect with on a deeper level to be able to rely on when you need to. On the other hand, I have also mentioned that if all you do with someone is talk about all the bad things that go on, then it can become a depressive thing to be around that person.
No Pressure to be Anyone but You
I am a religious person so don’t take this the wrong way, but I feel like I run into this problem a lot with strict religion. There are all these rules and expectations that seem to be riddled in every facet of your life. There are all the sins that you could possibly commit, and the repentance that comes after. There is a laundry list of all the things that you should be doing with your time every single day. Sometimes I feel like when I’m around these over-the-top views that there is an overbearing pressure to be a specific kind of person or act a specific way. To me, this is not how I view my own religious beliefs. I have a close relationship with God and strive to be the best person that I can be. However, we all make mistakes, and it is important to not let it become an obstacle in still loving yourself. This doesn’t just apply to religion but to the people you surround yourself with. I once heard that the more that you get out and do things and meet people the more open your mind is. I can definitely tell when I am around those kinds of people. I love the feeling of just being myself. I love avoiding the whole, walking on eggshells kinds of conversations. Even when you don’t agree with someone, being able to have a conversation with no judgement on a differing point of view.
When you walk away from interactions with certain people, do you find yourself exhausted? You don’t want to surround yourself with friends that make you feel like you just ran an emotional marathon. I’ve had moments that I felt like I enjoyed myself at two different but similar events. However, when I left each event, I realized that the way I felt afterwards was completely different. When I thought about the first event more, I did realize that I spent time avoiding certain topics or situations to avoid any kind of drama. With the other event, we had actually spoken on our differing opinions on religion, among other topics as well. In those conversations, we all respected what was said and accepted that it was how the other person felt. I felt absolutely no judgement from anyone who felt differently than I did.
I feel like I partially covered this already. However, it is a huge indicator of a healthy relationship. We, as a society, spend lots of time, energy, and money on seeking out help to be able to communicate with each other better every day. Ask yourself if you can really be honest with the people you are close to. Or do you find yourself avoiding things that allow them to know more about the person you really are. Maybe you feel you wouldn’t be accepted and you would be judged. However, if that’s how people are going to treat you, then they definitely aren’t the emotionally uplifting kind of people you should surround yourself with.
The world is full of all kinds of people. Many of us are very compatible with a majority of those other people. It’s just about finding those people who are willing to be as open and respectful as you should be as well. For me, the best way to explain respect is, to treat others as you would like to be treated. Respect can be lost but, in my opinion, it shouldn’t have to be earned. Respect is treating another person as an individual. I hope you all have those kinds of people that really are real and true friends. What kinds of traits do you feel are missing from this list?